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Specialty tag(s): Divorce for Men, Divorce for Women, Divorce

Signs of a Toxic Marriage and How to Get Out

Lindsey Obenhaus | February 20, 2025

“Is my husband toxic?” “How do I leave a toxic marriage safely?” Questions like these are serious and all too common. A toxic marriage can impact your physical health, your emotional well-being, and your future. For these reasons, it’s essential to understand how to recognize the signs of a toxic husband or wife and how to leave that relationship if that’s your desire.

What Is a Toxic Marriage?

In a toxic marriage, the toxic spouse creates an environment in which trust, love, and respect are replaced with manipulation, control, and fear. Toxic husbands or wives may do this gradually or suddenly, and it can sometimes be difficult to identify toxic behavior in a marriage until it’s too late. However, it’s important to note that a toxic marriage is not just one with frequent arguments. In a truly toxic marriage, those conflicts never lead to any substantial change and can escalate to emotional or physical abuse. A toxic husband or wife will often make their spouse feel alone, unsure of themselves, or fearful of standing up for themselves.

How Do You Know if Your Marriage Is Toxic?

If you’re unsure how to know if your marriage is toxic, try asking yourself a few questions:

1. Do you constantly feel anxious, unsafe, or undermined?
2. Are you making excuses for your partner’s behavior to friends or family?
3. Is your partner isolating you from loved ones?

If you answered “yes” to any of these, you may be in what could be characterized as a toxic marriage.

Learning how to spot the signs your marriage is toxic can help you prevent it from getting worse or help you come to terms with the situation so that you can make the best decisions for your personal well-being and safety, and that of any children that may be involved.

Signs of a toxic husband or wife can include:

• Control Over Finances and Social Life: A toxic spouse will often attempt to exercise complete control over the financial and social aspects of their partner’s life. They may limit who you can spend time with or demand constant updates about your location.
• Emotional Manipulation: Toxic behavior in a marriage commonly includes several forms of emotional manipulation, such as gaslighting, blaming you for their behavior, or dismissing your feelings.
• Verbal and Physical Abuse: Abuse, no matter its form, is a clear indicator of a toxic marriage.
• Substance Abuse: If one partner’s alcohol or drug use consistently leads to conflict and creates an unstable home, it can be a sign of a toxic marriage.
• Withholding Affection and Intimacy: A toxic spouse may withhold emotional support or use intimacy as leverage in a toxic marriage as a way of maintaining control.

If these situations sound familiar, take them seriously. Don’t minimize or rationalize them. Instead, acknowledge them as signs of a toxic husband or wife and take steps to learn how to get out of a toxic marriage.

How to Deal With a Toxic Husband or Wife

Identifying your marriage as toxic can be unsettling, eye-opening, and frustrating, but it’s vital to learn how to deal with a toxic wife or husband, especially if the two of you share children. Doing so can help prevent the situation from escalating until you decide whether or not you’re committed to ending the marriage.

While every relationship is unique, there are some practical steps everyone can take to be effective in managing a relationship with a toxic spouse:

1. Acknowledge the Problem: Don’t dismiss or trivialize what’s happening. Acceptance is key to moving forward.
2. Seek Professional Help: Therapy or counseling can provide coping strategies, clarity, and validation. A therapist can help you understand if your spouse’s actions are truly the signs of a toxic husband or wife.
3. Build a Support Network: Confide in friends, family, or support groups. You deserve to be heard and validated.
4. Consult an Attorney: If you’re ready to initiate divorce proceedings, an experienced family law attorney can advise you on how to get out of a toxic marriage, including how to protect your assets, secure temporary orders for safety, and understand your legal rights, especially if children are involved.

How to Get Out of a Toxic Marriage Safely and Strategically

Leaving a toxic marriage can be difficult, especially if you fear for the safety of yourself or your children. In situations like these, preparation is essential. You should take the following steps to ensure that you’re prepared to leave when the time comes:

1. Document Your Spouse’s Behavior: Keep notes, emails, or texts that showcase your spouse’s toxic behavior in the marriage.
2. Secure Financial Stability: If your spouse controls the finances, quietly begin saving money or opening your own account so you’re ready for a fresh start.
3. File Protective Orders if Needed: If there’s any sign of physical or emotional danger, protective orders can provide legal boundaries and keep you safe.
4. Have a Legal Strategy: Work with a family law attorney experienced in high-conflict cases. They’ll help you understand the divorce process, custody implications, and how property division works.
5. Stay Focused: Your spouse may attempt manipulation, guilt trips, or emotional outbursts to keep you in the relationship. Stay focused on your goal and your emotional and physical well-being.

Contact Goranson Bain Ausley Today

If you’re ready to take the next step, Goranson Bain Ausley’s experienced family law attorneys are here to help. Contact us to schedule a consultation to discuss your situation, understand your options, and work toward a safer, healthier future.