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Specialty tag(s): Divorce for Men, Divorce for Women, Divorce

How to Get Over a Divorce You Didn’t Want

Esther R. Donald | March 31, 2025

Divorce is never easy, but facing a divorce you didn’t want can be especially devastating. You’re left with shattered dreams, lingering questions, and a deep sense of loss that can feel overwhelming. But you can learn how to get over a divorce by taking the steps needed to process and heal, recover, and eventually rebuild your life.

How Long Does it Take to Get Over a Divorce?

If you were to ask five different people, there’s a good chance that you’d get five different answers to the question, “How long does it take to get over a divorce?” Getting over a divorce is different for everyone who goes through it, with factors like the length of the marriage, amount of emotional investment, and level of support all influencing a person’s recovery time. For some, moving on after divorce can take years, but others find themselves recovering from divorce in months or even weeks.

How to Heal From a Divorce You Didn’t Want

Healing after divorce is not a universal process. Learning how to get over a divorce as a man may look different than the same process for a woman, and what works for some may not work for all. For instance, some people find that leaning into self-care or self-discovery helps with moving on from divorce, while others choose to focus more on their careers. However, while the specifics of getting over a divorce can vary widely from one person to the next, many newly divorced people have benefited from these strategies:

1. Understand the Emotional Impact

A divorce, especially one you didn’t want, will likely bring out a wide range of emotions. You may feel grief, anger, betrayal, or even shame. Recognizing and allowing yourself to process these feelings is the first step in learning how to heal after divorce. Remember that experiencing sadness, frustration, or disbelief is normal, and you must give yourself the space to feel these emotions without judgment. Journaling, talking with a trusted friend, or seeking therapy can help you work through your pain. Often your divorce lawyer can point you to an effective therapist.

2. Prioritize Self-Care

Focusing on self-care is one of the most beneficial things you can do to help yourself move on from a divorce. This is a time to focus on your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Physical activity, proper sleep, and nutrition can significantly improve your mood and resilience, and engaging in mindfulness practices, meditation, or hobbies can help rebuild your confidence and reclaim your sense of self.

3. Lean into a Strong Support Network

Figuring out how to move forward after a divorce is difficult, but you don’t have to do it alone. Creating a strong support system is one of the most effective ways to move forward and embrace your new future. Whether you lean on family, friends, or a professional counselor, sharing your feelings can make the burden feel lighter. You might also consider joining a divorce support group. Connecting with others who have experienced similar situations can provide a sense of validation and understanding for your current situation while inspiring hope for the future. Working with a financial advisor can also be an important source of strength after divorce.  A skilled wealth manager can help you better understand and take control of your own financial future. This can be particularly helpful if your spouse was the one who primarily handled the finances during your marriage.  Again, your divorce lawyer can be a good source of referrals to counselors, divorce support groups, and financial advisors.

4. Rediscover Yourself

Divorce can cause a lot of people to lose sight of who they truly are. Many tie their sense of self to their spouse during marriage, and divorce can force you to redefine your identity and life goals. While some may find this daunting, it can actually be a great opportunity for personal growth and to create the life you’ve always wanted. Try revisiting old hobbies or diving into something new. Creative pursuits and physical activities can help you focus on the future instead of dwelling on the past. It can be helpful to create both short-term and long-term goals to guide your journey forward. Whether completing a personal project, advancing in your career, or building stronger relationships, goal-setting can assist you in developing a new sense of purpose for yourself.

Additional Advice for How to Move on From a Divorce After a Long Marriage

Surviving divorce after a long marriage presents unique challenges but also offers an opportunity for reinvention. It can be quite challenging to redefine your identity, but this transition can become a stepping stone toward personal growth.

For those divorcing later in life, starting over can feel especially intimidating. But it’s never too late to create meaningful experiences. Embrace this time as a chance to explore passions, build new relationships, and rediscover your independence. View solitude as a gift that allows you to focus on your happiness without compromise. Whether it’s pursuing hobbies, traveling, or setting new goals, the possibilities are endless when you shift your perspective to see this chapter as a fresh start.

Therapists, financial advisors, or support groups can provide the tools and encouragement to help you move forward with confidence. By focusing on self-discovery and surrounding yourself with support, you can transform this difficult period into a journey toward a fulfilling and authentic life.

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