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Emotional Affairs and Divorce

Lindsey Obenhaus | August 6, 2024

Emotional affairs can pose a subtle yet significant threat to marriages, often going unseen until the damage has already been done. An emotional affair can destroy the foundation of trust and intimacy that marriages rely upon, but what is an emotional affair, and is an emotional affair cheating? How does an emotional affair impact a divorce?

What Is an Emotional Affair?

An emotional affair is when one partner forms an intimate connection with someone outside their marriage that they value as much as or more than their bond with their spouse. Many emotional affairs start innocently enough as friendships but evolve into more substantial emotional connections over time, often leading to trouble in the marriage and even divorce. While there are differing viewpoints, many people see emotional affairs as a form of cheating or infidelity – emotional infidelity.

Signs of an Emotional Affair

Emotional affairs can be subtle and slow-growing. As such, many partners fail to realize that their spouse is involved in an emotional affair until it is too late. Learning how to spot the signs of emotional infidelity early on can help you act proactively and potentially save your marriage.

Here are some common signs of an emotional affair:

• Secrecy and Privacy: If you notice your spouse acting more secretive than usual, such as hiding conversations or meetings with another person, it may suggest more than just a friendly or collegial relationship.
• Emotional Withdrawal: You may notice your spouse sharing fewer personal thoughts and feelings with you than they used to. This emotional distance is one of the most common emotional affair signs.
• Frequent Communication: Another indicator of a potential emotional affair is constant communication with someone outside of the marriage, whether through excessive texting, calling, or online interaction.
• Defensive Behavior: A defensive or angry reaction to mentioning the other relationship can indicate that it is more than a casual friendship.
• Comparisons: Those involved in an emotional affair sometimes unfavorably or even harshly compare their spouse to the other person.

Emotional Infidelity’s Impact on Divorce

Though these affairs are sometimes referred to as “emotional adultery,” that technically isn’t an accurate term under the law. In Texas, adultery specifically refers to sexual activity outside of the marriage. Adultery can be used as grounds for divorce, whereas emotional affairs cannot. However, emotional affairs can be just as damaging to a marriage as adultery and be a catalyst for divorce. Even if they begin as innocent friendships, emotional affairs can cause significant problems between spouses and within families. The intimacy created with another person in an emotional affair can leave a spouse feeling betrayed, neglected, and less willing to engage in the marriage. It is a breach of trust that erodes the marriage’s foundation, making reconciliation challenging or impossible.

How to End an Emotional Affair

Ending an emotional affair is usually the only way to save the marriage and avoid divorce. It involves a firm decision to cut off the outside relationship and focus on repairing the marital connection. This process includes:

• Transparency: You must be honest with your spouse about the details of the emotional affair.
• Rebuilding Trust: The damage done from an emotional affair does not get repaired overnight. Commit to honesty and integrity in all future interactions with your spouse.
• Counseling: Seeking professional help through marriage counseling to address and resolve underlying issues can be a helpful step in healing after an emotional affair.
• Recommitment: Both partners must agree to recommit to the marriage and each other to reinforce their bond with one another.

How Do Most Emotional Affairs End?

Emotional affairs tend to end in one of two ways. You and your spouse can address the emotional disconnection in the marriage and work to revitalize your relationship, or you can decide to part ways with one another through divorce. Which option is right depends significantly on the couple’s willingness to work through their issues and the depth of the betrayal felt by the affected spouse. An experienced family law attorney can educate you about these options and, most importantly, prepare you financially and emotionally for the next steps that you choose to take.