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How to Achieve Successful Co-Parenting After a Divorce

Chandler Rice Winslow | July 15, 2024

One of the hardest decisions any person can make is to end a marriage. The decision to divorce brings final acceptance that you and your partner were unable to create the future you planned when you got married, to face life’s challenges and celebrations together forever. The decision is even more challenging when children are involved. Divorcing parents often spend countless hours worrying about how to keep their children safe and happy through successful co-parenting after divorce. But putting in the effort to make it work, with the help of an experienced attorney, can provide a brighter future for you and your children.

The longitudinal studies of children and divorce show two important things. First, divorce itself does not doom your child to a life that is any less enriching or rewarding than the life of a child growing up in an intact family. Second, children with frequent access to both parents after a divorce fare far better than children who experience limited access to a parent or, worse yet, no access at all. This can be true even when the other parent is far less than “ideal.”

What harms a child is their parents’ ongoing and embroiled conflict, not only before and during a divorce but also afterward. When a divorce doesn’t end the fighting it was designed to escape, the child may never learn how to resolve conflict, may lack effective problem-solving skills, and may miss out on the transformative power of an apology.

As a parent, you can take steps to learn how to manage and mitigate conflict with your co-parent, even when they seem unwilling to do the same. Your attorney can help provide tools or direct you to resources to help you handle these issues and achieve successful co-parenting through the divorce.

When a child loses access to a parent, the wound is deep and often permanent. Too often, the child believes they did or said something that caused their parent to leave, and so they take on blame and guilt for something over which they had no control.

As a result, divorcing parents wanting to create the best life for their children must plan their future in a different way than they had hoped. For their children’s sake, the challenges and celebrations that were meant to be shared together by spouses will now be shared by ex-spouses side-by-side.

What Does “Side by Side” Mean in Real Life?

When it comes to divorce and co-parenting, “side by side” simply means doing the following:

• Putting aside your differences and your current quarrel to attend your child’s kindergarten graduation, dance performance, or concert peacefully and cheerfully, side by side.
• Not automatically blaming the other parent for the choice your child made when they cheated on a test and instead meeting with their teacher to formulate a joint plan for accountability in both households, side by side, so your child learns the valuable lesson of facing meaningful consequences for their own bad choices.
• Hiding your disappointment when your child shares the fun they had when your ex took them to see a Broadway show you’d wanted to see.
• Agreeing to switch “your” scheduled weekend when your child asks to attend a Girl Scout or Boy Scout event with the parent who always takes them to such events.

Co-parenting through divorce and after may seem intimidating at first, but open communication and strong conflict-resolution skills can help. It will also require time and effort, as co-parenting after divorce is a lifelong task. After all, you may one day need to plan your child’s wedding together or share grandchildren. Creating a healthy relationship with the other parent from the start can help ease the transition for you and your child.

Learn More About Co-Parenting, Divorce, and Other Family Law Matters

As a child-centered family lawyer, Chandler Winslow is renowned for resolving highly contested custody disputes. She possesses deep expertise in the unique challenges faced by parents of children with special needs, such as ADHD, autism, and learning disabilities. Chandler has extensive experience representing clients in all matters involving Child Protective Services (CPS) and has served as both a guardian ad litem and attorney ad litem for children. Her dedication and skill earned her recognition as one of D Magazine’s Best Lawyers Under 40 for 2022.

To learn more about how to minimize the negative impact of divorce on your children and achieve successful co-parenting post-divorce, please contact Chandler Winslow at 214-373-7676.

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