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Specialty tag(s): High-Conflict Divorce, Divorce

How Does a Narcissist Behave During a Divorce and After?

Thomas A. Greenwald | March 3, 2025

Divorce is never easy, but it’s especially challenging when you have to deal with a narcissist and divorce at the same time. Divorcing a narcissist brings additional challenges and uncertainties that you and your lawyer must navigate carefully. Narcissists can be relentless in their effort to achieve the outcome they feel entitled to and rarely care about who their actions affect along the way. That is why it is so important to discuss narcissist divorce tactics with your attorney. Anticipating how a narcissist will behave during a divorce will help you to develop a strategy for a successful resolution of your case.

Characteristics of a Narcissist During Divorce: Why Do Narcissists Behave the Way They Do?

Predicting exactly what a narcissist will do during a divorce can be difficult because narcissism can vary so much from one person to another. Some may be willing to go to more extreme lengths than others to get what they want. However, how narcissists behave in relationships often reflects how they will act during the divorce. There are common characteristics associated with narcissists that you will likely be able to recognize in your spouse.

• Lack of Empathy: Narcissists have difficulty recognizing how others may feel. This lack of empathy can lead them to make decisions during a divorce without regard for how their actions may affect you or your children.
• Sense of Entitlement: Narcissists often feel entitled to whatever they want. In a divorce, this may mean valuable assets, money, or custody of the children.
• Need for Control: Narcissists will likely attempt to control every aspect of the divorce. This behavior can make it incredibly difficult for couples to compromise on even unimportant issues. The narcissist’s need to “win” often outweighs what makes the most sense in a particular situation.
• Manipulative Behavior: Narcissists may use manipulative tactics such as gaslighting or guilt-tripping to get what they want from the divorce.
• Projection of Blame: Narcissists avoid admitting to anything that reflects negatively on themselves. This behavior can manifest as a narcissist blaming their spouse for everything or projecting their own negative behavior onto their spouse.

Common Narcissistic Tactics During a Divorce

When dealing with a narcissist, how they behave when exposed to the reality of their marriage ending can be anxiety-producing and intimidating. You never know what they might do during a divorce. They may turn to any one of several different narcissist divorce tactics to get what they feel entitled to in the divorce. These behaviors range from lying to tampering with documents to help prove their case. Understanding the potential tactics that they may use can help you better protect yourself and your children during the divorce.

Tactics to look out for include:

• Gaslighting: Gaslighting is an unfortunately common type of manipulation when it comes to dealing with a narcissist in a divorce. This tactic makes you question your judgment or perceptions by using phrases like “You made me do that” or “You’re just being paranoid.” Narcissists may attempt to gaslight their spouse in a divorce to force them into questioning their feelings or memories.
• Financial Abuse: Narcissists often use their control over finances to manipulate their spouse by making it difficult for them to get by financially both during and after the divorce.
• Using Children as Pawns: It’s not uncommon for narcissists to use their children as bargaining chips. They may attempt to use potential custody agreements to manipulate their spouse into making certain decisions.
• False Accusations: Many narcissists are not afraid to make false accusations about their partner during a divorce to paint themselves in a better light.
• Delaying Tactics: Narcissists may attempt to delay the divorce by refusing to negotiate, filing frivolous legal motions, or stalling to retain control.

Strategies for Handling Narcissistic Behavior in a Divorce

Knowing how a narcissist may behave in a divorce can help you to form a strategy to get through this process. Divorce is a trying time, but divorcing a narcissist can be particularly harmful to your emotional stability and physical well-being.

Here are some coping strategies for how to deal with your spouse’s narcissistic behavior in a divorce:

• Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries early in the divorce to protect your emotional and financial well-being.
• Speak With a Therapist: A therapist or counselor can help you develop effective ways of communicating with a narcissistic spouse. They can also help you manage your emotions throughout the divorce.
• Resist Calling Out Their Behavior: Narcissists don’t respond well to criticism. Calling attention to their behavior during the divorce may only make things worse and encourage them to retaliate.
• Educate Yourself: An experienced attorney can provide you with other useful resources so you can educate yourself on how best to prepare to divorce a narcissist.
• Measured Communication: Keep your communication with a narcissist brief, informative, friendly, and firm.

Narcissistic Behavior After Divorce: How Do Narcissists Behave When You Leave Them?

Even after a divorce is finalized, a narcissist’s need for control, validation, and dominance does not simply disappear. If anything, being left can trigger even more extreme behavior, as they struggle with the loss of power over their former spouse. Their reactions may vary depending on the circumstances, but many narcissists follow predictable patterns post-divorce.

Here are some common ways narcissists behave after a divorce:

• Attempts to Reassert Control: Even after the divorce is over, a narcissist may try to maintain control by interfering in your life. They might attempt to dictate how you co-parent, spread rumors about you, or find ways to insert themselves into your personal affairs.
• Smear Campaigns: Narcissists hate losing, and if they feel like they have, they will often try to rewrite the narrative. This can mean spreading lies, badmouthing you to mutual acquaintances, or even attempting to turn your children, friends, or family against you.
• Refusal to Follow Court Orders: Some narcissists refuse to accept the terms of the divorce settlement, ignoring custody agreements, financial obligations, or other legally binding rulings in an effort to frustrate and exhaust their former spouse.
• Using Children as Leverage: If children are involved, a narcissist may continue using them as a means to exert power over their ex-spouse. This can include withholding visitation, badmouthing the other parent, or creating unnecessary conflict over custody arrangements.
• Legal Harassment: Some narcissists prolong conflict through the legal system, filing unnecessary motions, appealing decisions, or engaging in frivolous lawsuits to drain their ex emotionally and financially.

While a narcissist’s behavior after divorce can be concerning, understanding what to expect from these post-divorce behaviors can help you prepare and protect yourself. Set firm boundaries, keep detailed records, and work closely with an attorney who can help you manage the challenges of dealing with a narcissistic ex-spouse.

Get Help With Your Divorce

The skilled divorce attorneys at Goranson Bain Ausley have extensive experience dealing with narcissistic partners and high-conflict divorces, and we can guide you through this difficult process as painlessly as possible. Our compassionate attorneys will always put your best interests before all else and work diligently to develop a comprehensive strategy for dealing with an uncooperative or difficult spouse. Contact our offices in Austin, Dallas, Fort Worth, Granbury, Midland, San Antonio, or Plano today to learn more.

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Tom Greenwald is an accomplished trial attorney with more than three decades of family law experience. Recognized for his excellence in the field, he has been honored as Best Lawyers Family Law “Lawyer of the Year” in Dallas/Fort Worth and has earned a spot on D Magazine’s “Best Lawyers in Dallas: Family Law” list six times. Tom specializes in handling high-stakes divorce cases involving complicated compensation structures, asset division, private business interests, separate property disputes, and business valuations as well as child custody matters. Tom is committed to practical and cost-effective solutions, and he strives to help clients navigate their cases efficiently while maintaining positive working relationships for the future.

To learn more, contact Tom Greenwald at our Plano family law office.

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