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Why Your Divorce Doesn’t Predict Your Child’s Future Relationships

Angelica Rolong Cormier | July 9, 2025

Key Takeaways:

• While children of divorced parents may face increased risks in future relationships, these outcomes are shaped more by learned behaviors than by inevitability.
• Key risk factors include exposure to high-conflict environments, inconsistent parenting, and poor conflict resolution models — but all of these can be addressed.
• Parents can interrupt the cycle by modeling healthy communication, maintaining consistency, affirming their children’s worth, and fostering emotional openness.
• Research shows that a thoughtfully managed, low-conflict divorce can result in children who are just as emotionally and socially healthy as peers from intact families.

For parents navigating the difficult decision of divorce, a common and deeply unsettling fear often surfaces: Will this experience predetermine my children’s future relationships? Will they be more likely to divorce themselves, as if divorce were somehow “contagious?”

It’s a natural question rooted in love and concern for a child’s well-being. At GBA Family Law, we understand these anxieties, and while research offers some nuanced answers, we firmly believe that divorce doesn’t have to be a predetermined outcome for your children’s own marital paths.

While it’s true that some studies suggest a correlation, it’s crucial to understand the “why” behind these statistics and, more importantly, how parents can proactively interrupt any potential cycle.

Psychological and Social Factors Behind Why Divorce May Seem ‘Contagious’

Some research may indicate a higher likelihood of divorce for children of divorced parents, but it’s important to look at the full picture. According to Nicholas Wolfinger, in his book published by Cambridge University Press, “Understanding the Divorce Cycle,” the risk of divorce is 50% higher when one spouse comes from a divorced home and 200% higher when both partners do. This is often attributed to altered perceptions of marriage commitment and challenges with conflict resolution developed during their formative years.

However, these statistics don’t tell the whole story. Understanding the underlying reasons behind these trends empowers parents to intervene and guide their children toward healthier outcomes. It’s not a genetic contagion but rather a set of learned behaviors and psychological impacts:

• Modeling Behavior: Children are incredibly observant. They internalize how their parents handle conflict, express love, and navigate breakups. If they witness a high-conflict divorce or a lack of respectful communication, they may inadvertently replicate these patterns in their own adult relationships. This highlights a significant aspect of divorce’s impact on children.
• Lowered Relationship Expectations: Exposure to parental conflict or an abrupt separation can, for some, reduce their trust in the stability or longevity of long-term romantic commitments.
• Attachment Styles: Divorce can sometimes contribute to anxious or avoidant attachment styles in children, which can make forming secure and lasting romantic bonds more challenging later in life.
• Conflict Resolution Skills: Children may not learn healthy ways to resolve disagreements if they are either shielded too much from conflict or, conversely, exposed too deeply to parental disputes. The emotional effects of divorce on children often manifest in how they approach future conflict.
• Socioeconomic Impact: Divorce can lead to reduced household income, potentially affecting access to educational resources, emotional support, or therapy that could otherwise support healthy development and coping mechanisms.

How to Break the Cycle

A divorce, when handled thoughtfully and with a focus on the children’s well-being, can actually equip them with stronger emotional intelligence, resilience, and adaptability. It can be a model of growth, not failure.

• Model Healthy Communication Post-Divorce: Show your children that respectful co-parenting is achievable, even after the marriage ends. This demonstrates emotional maturity and respect, providing a positive example forchildren of divorced parents.
• Normalize but Don’t Glorify Divorce: Acknowledge divorce as a reality and a difficult choice rather than a failure. Let children see it as a course correction for adults, not an inevitability for all relationships.
• Reaffirm the Child’s Security and Worth: Crucially, constantly remind your children that the divorce is about the adults’ relationship, not their fault. Consistent affirmation builds stable self-worth, which is vital for children coping with divorce.
• Maintain Consistency Across Households: Work to keep rules, schedules, and core parenting values consistent between both homes. This predictability reduces anxiety and builds trust in stability, which is essential for mitigating the emotional effects of divorce on children.
• Encourage Open Conversations About Emotions: Create a safe space for your children to ask questions and express their feelings without judgment. Validate their emotions, but avoid turning them into confidantes or messengers.
• Support Healthy Relationships With the Other Parent: Children thrive when they are not forced to “choose sides.” Seeing both parents cooperate post-divorce boosts their trust in the concept of partnership and love.
• Seek Professional Guidance When Needed: Therapists or child counselors can provide invaluable tools, effectively minimizing the negative effects of divorce on children and helping them process complex feelings. These are skills they will carry into their own adult relationships.

It’s All in How You Handle It

Counterpoint research offers a powerful dose of optimism, suggesting that the manner in which a divorce is managed is far more impactful than the divorce itself.

As detailed in Dr. Paul Amato’s work, “The Consequences of Divorce for Adults and Children” in the Journal of Marriage and Family, his extensive research indicates that the level of conflict before, during, and after the split is the biggest predictor of negative outcomes for children, not the divorce itself. This means a low-conflict divorce can be less damaging than a high-conflict intact marriage.

Research from the American Psychological Association further suggests that couples who manage their divorce amicably can raise children who are just as emotionally and relationally stable as those from two-parent homes.

Consistent research further suggests that many children of divorce adapt well and experience no lasting negative effects on their academic performance, social adjustment, or mental health. This conclusion is supported by psychologist Constance Ahrons’ 20-year study published in “We’re Still Family” and a 2012 meta-analysis by Cambridge professor Michael Lamb.

Finally, the American Psychological Association also emphasizes that resilience is a learnable trait. With supportive parenting and appropriate resources, most children coping with divorce adjust well over time.

This broader perspective is echoed by renowned psychologist Mavis Hetherington in her book “For Better or For Worse: Divorce Reconsidered.” Drawing on decades of empirical research, Hetherington dismantles the pervasive myth that divorce is inevitably damaging. Instead, she frames divorce not as a singular traumatic event, but as a complex, ongoing life process. Her findings suggest that many individuals and families not only adapt, but grow in the aftermath of divorce—especially when they are equipped with the right tools, support, and mindset.

A Message of Hope

Divorce doesn’t have to be a life sentence passed down to your children. While the divorce’simpact on children is undeniable, it’s not a deterministic path. When approached with emotional intelligence, open communication, and mutual respect, divorce can be a model for growth, resilience, and the ability to navigate life’s challenges.

At GBA Family Law, our team is dedicated to guiding families through this process with compassion and strategic legal advice, always prioritizing the well-being of your children. We help you establish frameworks for healthy co-parenting that can empower your children to build strong, stable relationships in their own futures.

Our experienced team is here to provide the support and guidance you need for a positive path forward. Get started today.