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Specialty tag(s): Gray Divorce, Divorce

Understanding Gray Divorce: Why More Couples Are Divorcing Later in Life

November 27, 2024

Divorce trends in the United States are changing, with older couples becoming a significant part of the U.S. divorce statistics. While the national divorce rate is around 40%, the rate for those aged 50 and older has doubled since the mid-1990s, and among those aged 65 and older, it has nearly tripled. This phenomenon, known as “gray divorce,” comes from Gen Xers and Baby Boomers, driven by factors such as growing apart, empty nest syndrome, shifting priorities, and the desire for a fresh start.

However, as the New York Times recently highlighted in an article titled “How to Stop a Late-in-Life Divorce from Ruining Your Retirement,” the financial implications of gray divorce can be particularly challenging. “When you divorce at this age, you can’t be afraid to change your lifestyle,” said Margye Solomon, 71, who ended her 33-year marriage and significantly altered her financial plans. She moved to a lower-cost city, embraced a more frugal lifestyle, and redefined her retirement expectations.

Why Are More Couples Divorcing Later in Life?

Longer life expectancies and societal changes contribute to the rise in gray divorce. As people anticipate living well into their 90s, staying in an unfulfilling marriage for another 20 or 30 years may feel untenable. “People are living longer,” explains Esther Donald, a family lawyer with Goranson Bain Ausley, in an article originally published in D Magazine. “When a married couple no longer connects emotionally or physically, it’s no longer a satisfying marriage.”

Often, gray divorces are less about dramatic conflicts and more about a slow realization that a marriage has run its course. Donald observes that many of her clients feel a sense of dread when returning home, signaling the emotional toll of staying in an unhappy relationship. “Many couples live separate lives under the same roof, often even having separate bedrooms,” she says. “Eventually, the question changes from, ‘Why are we staying?’ to ‘What are we missing?'”

The Financial Toll of Gray Divorce

Despite the emotional benefits of leaving an unfulfilling marriage, gray divorce poses unique financial challenges. Dividing decades of accumulated assets can leave both parties with significantly reduced savings. According to the New York Times, women tend to feel the financial impact of divorce more acutely. On average, women experience a 45% decline in their standard of living after a late-in-life divorce, compared to a 21% decline for men. These financial losses often persist for years, with limited recovery, as noted by Bowling Green State University researchers.

The financial implications of gray divorce are especially daunting. Chris Chen, a certified divorce financial analyst, advises couples to “come to terms, both practically and emotionally, with the fact that your retirement is going to look different than what you thought it would be, and be willing to adjust accordingly.”

Strategies for Navigating Gray Divorce

Given the emotional and financial stakes, many older couples seek ways to divorce amicably and efficiently. Donald finds that a Collaborative Divorce process often works well for gray divorce clients. This non-adversarial approach allows couples to work together with the help of neutral third-party professionals, avoiding the costs and stress of litigation.

Additionally, Donald has begun involving adult child specialists in these cases, as grown children can still be deeply affected by their parent’s divorce. “Divorce at any stage has ripples,” she says in her D Magazine interview. These ripples can include financial questions, such as who pays for college or weddings, and estate planning issues, which may carry significant family expectations.

Finding a New Beginning Following a Gray Divorce

Despite the challenges, gray divorce can offer an opportunity for personal growth and renewed happiness. For individuals like Margye Solomon, making significant lifestyle adjustments is worth the chance to embrace a new chapter. “In what could be a 100-year life, I figure I have 20 to 30 years left and I want to make the most of them,” she told the New York Times.

Donald agrees, noting that many of her clients come to see divorce as a way to rediscover joy. “These are good people who have lived a good life, worked hard, and raised great children,” she says. “An uncoupling may provide them with the chance to figure out what they’ve been missing and emerge from a stale marriage that has run its course.”

While the journey may be difficult, gray divorce can lead to a more fulfilling and intentional future. By seeking experienced legal and financial guidance, older couples can navigate the process with clarity, respect, and a focus on building a life that reflects their true desires.