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Specialty tag(s): Collaborative Divorce, Divorce

4 Common Divorce Myths Debunked: What You Need to Know About Court & Conflict

Jill Lowe | April 2, 2026

There are a lot of myths about divorce. These myths can cause fear and anxiety for someone who is contemplating a divorce or is in the divorce process. Below are various myths about the divorce process that is debunked.

1. “I don’t need an attorney.”

How often has someone said they don’t need an attorney for the divorce? The couples think they can manage the paperwork and negotiations themselves. Or a spouse does not want to hire an attorney to represent him or her because they think they can do it themselves. A divorce attorney is trained and experienced to handle conflict. They understand the divorce process, not only from a legal perspective but an emotional perspective as well. The attorney can handle all the paperwork so the client can focus on preparing for their next phase in life and focus on their family.

2. “A bulldog attorney will get me a better result.”

Based on my own experience, I have seen the opposite result. An attorney who is inflexible, argumentative, stubborn, confrontational, and arrogant may not get a better result for their client. If anything, based on my own experience, involving this type of attorney in the case increases the fees and costs and leaves the family torn apart. The attorney’s personality and approach will most likely impact the outcome of the divorce, including the family relationship after the divorce. Select an attorney who keeps the family in the forefront and will work with other professionals in the case to reach a resolution.

3. “A judge makes the decision, and we have to go to court.”

There is an alternative available to those spouses who want to avoid a trial or avoid having to go to court. This out-of-court option is the collaborative divorce process. The collaborative divorce process is a confidential, voluntary, out of court process that focuses on goals and interests. The collaborative divorce process is a structured dispute resolution process where everyone is working together towards a common goal, i.e. settlement. In the collaborative divorce process, the attorneys do not make the decisions, the parties make the decisions. Even if the parties are not in the collaborative divorce process, they can settle the divorce without the judge making the decisions. This can be accomplished through mediation or informal settlement negotiations.

4. “A divorce is a war or battle.”

Not all divorces are a war or a battle; and there doesn’t need to be casualties and enemies. There is a way to divorce amicably. Even with an amicable divorce there is still conflict; however, the level of conflict and the conflict resolution process is what elevates the divorce to war level. The best way to prevent the divorce from escalating to a war is to retain a collaborative divorce attorney and use the collaborative divorce process. Don’t view divorce as a war. Instead, view a divorce as two adults deciding how to redefine their family.

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